


it goes unsaid

by ribroast



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Falling In Love, First Kiss, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay, Gay Keith (Voltron), Happy Ending, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, LGBTQ Themes, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, POV Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:59:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22333006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribroast/pseuds/ribroast
Summary: *THINGS TO KNOW*-This takes place after season 6, but shiro took his place back in voltron-They're still making alliances; the castle of lions never ceased to exist, they aren't traveling back to earth yet**A story about how Keith, basically an angst fest, but with a good outcome*TRIGGER WARNING: MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS*
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Kudos: 59





	it goes unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> FUCK this is a mess, but i found this in my file from a month ago and i realized it was a product of 3:30 am me and depressed me making an extremely angsty fic because i don't know how to control and deal with my own emotions.

Keith doesn't remember his dream, but he can tell it was scary, because of the sweat dripping down his neck and his rapid heartbeat, making his fingers tremble. He looks up at the dimly illuminated ceiling. 

_jesus_

He remembers where he is, and once the indescribable, gut wrenching pain wraps around his mind of the fact that he's _here_ , he begins to think. To take in his surroundings. Keith's room wasn't decorated, he was 

1\. Never in it. Keith was a loner, but he didn't want to ever BE alone. as in, isolated in his room that seemed like a god damn coffin. He enjoyed the loud thrumming of the castle as it propelled deeper into the void of space. Or the distant yelling of Lance because Pidge beat him at his stupid racing game again.

_lance_

No. Not right now, he could NOT think about _lance_ this early in the morning. 

2\. He didn't really have time to necessarily "grab a few home items!" before he was blasted into space with 4 other people in a blue mechanical lion. Sure, none of them did and they still had possessions in their room from planets, or space mall trips. But possessions meant vulnerability. _attachment_. and why be attached to something or someone that's eventually going to leave you anyways.

That seemed to be Keith's fucking mantra lately. 

"Brush the people you value the most away from you because you know that they're eventually gonna drop you for cooler and more charismatic friends!"

Aha. OK, enough of a self deprecating pity party, he needed to get up and do something. Get out of this stupid small room. Quickly getting dresses and brushing his teeth, pretending not to gawk at his purplish sallow bags under his eyes [he would never admit it but he spends hours in the night in the training room to avoid thinking about anything serious]. Not that the galra empire obliterating the universe is NOT serious, it's just that it didn't seem as intimidating as feelings, or lance's smile or his own horrendous appearance.

Spitting the herb toothpaste in the sink and rinsing his mouth out with water, he awkwardly fixed his hair, combing a hair through his bangs. He stared at himself in the mirror. He didn't recognize the person staring back at him. Violet eyes which were once fierce and determined now jaded and a darker, stormier color, pale skin that once had rosy cheeks now white like paper. chapped lips. keith let himself giggled at that, surprised to see his teeth poke between his lips. come on now, keith has always had chapped lips. he just looks different. more tired.

Keith strangely likes that. The fact that he LOOKS fucked, it makes it a lot easier than having to say, _"yeah, i'm not in the best shape"._

Fuck that. 

The thought of uttering a single word about his personal well being has keith grasping his toothbrush now aggressively, his lips bunched into a slight frown. 

His thoughts are interrupted by the crackle of the loudspeaker. 

"Keith? Will you be joining us for breakfast?" Allura's sounds like she's _expecting_ him to anyways, so he grunts and presses a button on the loud speaker panel, allowing him to respond back to allura, even though his voice would probably be broadcasted to about 5 other people.

Did he even want to go to breakfast? His stomach ached, screamed for him saying _"fucking CHRIST, punish yourself all you want, just get some food in me asap"_

But that might have also been because of him being nervous-no- terrified to be interrogated like LAST TIME. 

"No, I'll be in the training room" He flatly responded before quickly leaving his room, mainly for the purpose so he couldn't hear if allura would respond. which she probably did.

Lance probably heard him. Keith shivered at that thought, allowing himself to smile at the image of Lance fondly smiling in his head. 

That's another reason why he couldn't possibly attend breakfast. It meant having to see Lance, with his messy bedhead and his stupid lion slippers and even stupider pajama robe that made him look like some Egyptian emperor or something. 

Keith refused to let himself consciously admit he was in love with Lance. As long as he avoided any sort of "L" word than it wasn't necessarily real. He could pretend that the eventual rejection would be nonexistent and the "oh Keith..im sorry but i just don't feel that way about you." stupid thing. 

Keith feels selfish for even thinking about this, so he distracts himself with training the whole morning. 

He knows it's selfish to say this but rejection from Lance could practically kill him.

Not that he'd kill himself just because of his unrequited love, no. It's just that Lance was-

Lance was his complete stability. In the full force of war, Lance's pure encouragement and praise after battle was what fueled Keith. So many things Keith did not acknowledge were just swept under the rug because _"hey, Lance said i could do it. lance smiled at me like that, it has to be ok."_

So for that to be just..taken away. He didn't care if Lance didn't love him back. Well no, of course he cared, he wanted Lance to feel the same way more than ANYTHING, Lance was the calm before the storm. But even more than that, Keith just wanted Lance to be happy. And if that was with Allura-fuck,- or even with fricking Nyma, than that was ok. But if Lance just..if he knew it would change everything, and Keith can't see a world where he doesn't get to have Lance somewhat in his life. Which he realizes is incredibly stubborn and stupid! Keith is practically an adult and here he is relying on his friend for emotional support who is completely unaware of it 

"Keith, meet us in the control room please, it's important." Keith is brought out from his trance in the middle of the training room violently, it makes him stumble and gasp, and it feels like the first actual breath he has taken in a while. 

And with that, Keith decides to not think about Lance in the training room. Or- ever. Which obviously doesn't work.

***

"-you could totally make an awesome parfait with these new ingredient buddy!" The first voice that blesses Keith's ears is Lance's, and he takes the second to quickly recharge before everyone turns to him. 

"Look who finally decided to join us." Pidge smirks playfully from her post, waving and smiling. 

Which makes Keith snort, because it's so unlike Pidge.

"Yeah, where have you been dude? Have you been in the training room all morning?!" Hunk, who is holding an obscene looking fruit in one hand and a bowl of food goo in the other looks concerned, and Keith panics, shifting his gaze away, discomfort seeping through his veins. 

"Never mind that, Allura, what was the important thing?" Allura had her hair down today, looking exceptionally beautiful. Keith was very gay, but he wasn't _blind_. 

She nodded, brushing a piece of white hair from out of her face. 

"Paladins, we've entered a galaxy where there is a planet by willing to join our coalition!" Allura clasped her hands together, Shiro making a sound of surprise. 

"Jesus, it's been what, two months since we've even stepped out of the castle? It's gonna be good for all of us to get out and stretch our legs." Shiro smiled, turning to keith and practically burning a **hole** in Keith's forehead. He was doing that weird "brother" thing where he can just look at keith and know exactly what he's thinking about and it's terrifying.

Keith turned his vision to across the room where-

Lance was staring at him. Analyzing, as if he was staring at some optical art and he was trying to piece together the illusion. 

Blue eyes locked with violet and he smiled warmly, making Keith's heart involuntarily flutter. He couldn't help but softly smile back, before picking up the scraps of the conversation and turning to the group.

That was weird. But good weird. Heart crushing weird. 

______

The planet Allura had announced was occupied with spindly armed Minotaur people. aliens? Keith couldn't understand that aspect still.

As soon as they had landed, Hunk had hurled over the side of the exit ramp, and Pidge had popped all her joints which freaked Lance out and caused him to shriek and cause a scene. He looked so good in his paladin Armour, like an ancient god. Comparing Lance to an ancient god was not a stretch whatsoever. His gorgeous tan skin made his blue eyes aggressively pop to the point Keith had been practically hypnotized the first time he saw him at the Garrison.

"Keith, you're staring" Shiro teases, and Keith doesn't hesitate to showcase one of his best "i will end you" faces off to his older brother, who smiles and backs off to go talk to allura.

______

Just as Keith was observing a plant that already seemed to be latching onto the exit ramp of the castle, he felt someone sidle up next to him. 

"Feels good to be out of the castle huh?" Lance smiled, and Keith shrugged, brushing off his fast heartbeat. 

"I can get just as much walking done in the castle than here." Keith blanched. Lance frowned, and there was a moment in time where Keith just waited for Lance to yell at him. Or kiss him. He wanted both. 

"I miss you, ya know."

Keith's eyes softened, and the corned of his mouth melted into an "awed" expression. 

"you do?" he didn't mean for it to come out quiet and meek.

"Yeah, you're all distant and quiet and it pisses me off. More than when we regularly antagonize each other." Lance smiled slightly, and Keith felt his heart shutter.

_oh, see? he would never feel that way about you idiot, this is just one of his antics_

He felt his face change. He's such an open book for Lance it exasperates him. He feels his face flicker from angry to sadness and then to his sharp deadpanned expression. He doesn't have time for this.

"I don't have time for this Lance" He mutters angrily and stomps off, leaving Lance on the platform. And he's so terrified about how Lance looks he doesn't look back.

______

The unionization of the Palos, who are the alien species, and Voltron goes extremely well, so well that they're invited to an after party celebration. Which supplies alcohol. Which is a huge fucking problem.

Keith brushes the memory of the past 5 nights Keith falling asleep cradling a bottle of nunvill. And now he's "cradling" a very full glass of "Pago naishe", which is the Pagoan equivalence to whiskey. Keith doesn't care. He wants to forget. He wants to forget his pain and his stupid responsibility, and his infatuation and himself. So he sips passionately until he can't even process his own thoughts. 

Of course this leads to Keith trying to hunt down Lance. 

His tongue feels fuzzy as he drags his feet around the crowded venue, soft lights flickering every once and a while and odd music streaming throughout different locations and oddly harmonizing together. 

Keith is so fucking drunk he doesn't even feel anything when he finally find Lance, his fingers tangled in an older male Pagoan's hair/mane whatever they fucking call it. He just feels numb. Like it's not real, it's another one of his dreams. 

Lance pulls away, smiling with half lidded eyes that quickly connect with Keith's and his face suddenly contorts into pale and horror. He guesses that though he doesn't feel anything, he must be showing something, so he turns around and books it to the castle. Where he can soothe his aching heart because _fuck_ , he's so ready to fall asleep and never wake up again. 

_please don't run after_ me

Keith is screaming to himself but it's once again his unlucky day when he reaches the top of the exit ramp to hear quick and loud footsteps. 

"-eith! Keith what are you doi-"

"My heart hurts" Keith blurts out, spinning around to face a disheveled Lance, who's expression softens to worry. 

"what? do you need a cryopod?" Lance reaches out and Keith panics and fumbles with his hand, smacking it away. 

"nO, no uranidiot" he slurred, stumbling down the hall.

"Buddy you gotta give me more information I mean you can't just walk off after saying a critical organ of your body hur-"

"I love you so when I seeyouflirt with other people, my heart hurts." Keith blurts it out. It's like vomit. He can't control it, and fuck. 

He's screwed. Here comes the rejection. He can't handle it. He can't have Lance taken away from him, his stability. he can feel it storming inside him, screaming. the water is about to pour over the glass and dribble down the cup-

Lance seems shocked. His blue eyes freeze and they look yellowish green because of the dark castle and the only light coming from the golden drenched festival outside. 

"What- I..You can't just spring that on me- youre DRUNK-"

"Stop being a prick and just tell me you don't like me so i can go to bed" Keith grunts. He doesn't need Lance to beat around the bush. His heart is breaking in half, he feels it, and it makes him lock his jaw snap shut. 

He doesn't need to be babied or pitied, he doesn't need Lance's sympathy. He's known from the start Lance could never like him. It was unrequited, and that's how it always was and will be. Keith knows how difficult of a person he is, he knows he wouldn't make a good partner and he knows that he's a horrible friend, so he doesn't need it to be sugarcoated. 

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't need you to pity me Lance, I realize that I- that I-" His face is wet, and his throat is swelled. He feel like he can't even speak, and he struggles to utter out his next words.

"I realize that I could never be a good companion or fucking friend or whatever. I'm sorry I told you, I" He swallows hard, he's staring at Lance's shoes.

"I just wanna go to bed." He mumbled. 

Fuck it, he didn't need Lance's response. He didn't care, and with that he turned on his heel, this time peeking over his shoulder before rounding the corner to see a gaping Lance. Glad he gave him some entertainment at least. 

Keith felt relieved once he reached his room, which has never in the history of being a paladin occurred, and after locking the door and peeling off his shoes, he collapsed on his bed. 

His face was numb. He knew he was crying, hell he was sobbing in his pillow like a baby, but he couldn't feel his face, As if he decided to avoid the feeling of tears, of wet physical manifestation of his sorrow because it was to painful to bear. With every pulse, a wave of new realization and pain coursed through ever fiber of Keith's being. 

It was probably better this way. Keith would have been such a troublesome partner anyways! He was bad with emotions, and he was bad looking in general, the only good he would bring Lance would be the fact that he could probably beat someone up who tried to hurt Lance. Keith is annoying and selfish and stupid crybaby, and Lance deserves the absolute best. He's genuinely such a wonderful human being, with such best intentions for everyone he didn't even have the guts to tell Keith how much he hated him to his face. 

Keith fell asleep on a wet pillow that night.

___________

A soft thumping noise cracked into Keith's subconscious and caused him to wake up from his uncomfortable sleep. He rubbed his face, refusing to register the dull aching in his head, it was no doubt a forming hangover. Someone was knocking at his door. Jesus Christ, what TIME was it?

he sleepily thumbed the panel and it swung open, revealing a pajama clad Lance. A very upset looking Lance. 

This was to much for him right now.

He can't process the thoughts running through his head at this time, when Lance's hair is awkwardly curled around his ear like that and his pajama shirt has ridden up a bit on his hip so you can see his skin-

what is he doing? he should NOT be fantasizing about the guy that just rejected him maybe hours earlier! 

"You didn't even gimme a chance to respond." Lance's voice is hoarse and Keith practically melts, as if Lance is sun and he is a block of ice. 

"i already knew your answe-"

"No just-" Lance runs a hand through his hair, his mouth curling into an angry frown.

"You fucking piss me off Keith. It's like you don't WANT to be happy." Lance's gaze is to powerful, but he can't look away from his sad puppy eyes right now.

"If you would have let me finished I would have told you how much I care about you.." Lance whispered, inviting himself inside and blinding jamming one of the buttons on the control panel but miraculously closing the door with a _slam!_

Keith backs up as Lance approaches, until the back of his knees brush up against his bed, and he finally let's Lance's calloused hands wrap around his own waist, making his skin tingle. This isn't real. it can't be, Keith has to be dreaming because Lance McClain is running one of his hands through his hair and another one is resting on his fucking _own_ waist.

"and that I love you too, asshole" Lance finishes after fucking forever, and Keith is complete, he feels as if he's lifted to another layer of the universe where nothing exists except Lance and Keith, _Keith and Lance_ , and Keith is now desperate for the gap between Lance and Keith to be filled. 

Keith peers up through his shaggy black bangs to find half lidded blue eyes, dusted pink cheeks and parted lips, just practically **calling** to Keith. Keith trails his arm up Lance's bicep and snakes his arms around his neck before pressing his lips firmly into a kiss with Lance, making lover boy sigh softly, gripping Keith's hair desperately as he kissing Keith harder, breaking apart to pepper Keith with kisses, who is now softly laughing into Lance's neck as if he's done this thousands of times. Because it sure does feel like it. It's so natural it's scary, and the scent of citrus and something sweet is so distinct but he could smell it forever as Lance kisses his cheek over and over. Breaking apart, they both rest their foreheads against each other. Smiling softly.

"See? Don't you want this? Don't you wanna be happy?" Lance whispers, and he feels his breath on his own lips, making him lean back in and kiss Lance, biting his lip and playfully pulling on it as he pulls back. 

"more than anything."

"then stop running away keith. and not just from me, stop running away from everything. i know it's hard but life is hard, and it wont get easier if you shut everyone who loves and cares about you out." Lance's hand hadn't left Keith's hair, and it tightened as Keith began to softly tremble.

Keith is so scared. He knows Lance is right- that he's been running, and it's down to if he really wants to try or not, but he knows he does. Of course his problems aren't solved with one kiss, but maybe if he can have this, then he can do other stuff as well. like, feelings. 

Keith looks back to Lance, who smiles fondly at Keith, tilting him back slightly. Keith hits the pillow, relaxing as Lance distributes his weight comfortably on him.

"ok" He whispers, smiling and bringing Lance in for another kiss just because he can. now that he realizes and knows that his thoughts are just his and not others he feels practically untouchable, and with that, his eyelids get heavy. 

"it goes unsaid that i want you to stay." Keith mumbles, and he feels Lance grin into his neck, tightening his grip on Keith's waist. 

"I love you."

"I love you too"

"Ill stay as long as you want

"Stay forever."

Lance leans up and presses a firm kiss on Keith's lips, and Keith knows how much meaning is in it, as Lance parts his mouth slightly to tilt his head and bring Keith closer, pulling apart, all Keith can see is Lance's blue eyes as he smiles.

"That goes unsaid, dummy."

**Author's Note:**

> THIS SHIT IS UNEDITED, POORLY WRITTEN, HAS PLOTHOLES, I CAN GO ON. Anyways here it is, hopefully I can write something better later down the line, this was from about 9 months ago and had been collecting dust in my google doc drafts lol. ok byE


End file.
